Saturday, February 20th, ‘10

Saturday, February 20^th, ‘10

SHOULDER TO SHOULDER, FACE TO FACE

“But I trust I shall see you shortly, and we shall speak face to face…” (3 John 1:14)

There’s a relevant concept in Emerson Elldrichs’ marriage counsel, Love & Respect. He cites research suggesting that men commune with each other shoulder to shoulder whereas women tend to do so face to face. It worked among all ages, put a group of men in a room with folding chairs and they will sit shoulder to shoulder facing the TV, podium or whatever is the focal point. The ladies, as predictably, turned their chairs toward each other so they can look directly into the face to talk. Guys stare straight ahead at the ballgame and look sideways when emphasis needs made. Gals want to see eyes and facial expression so they position themselves accordingly. That tendency is good to know and can curtail some problems. She wonders why he doesn’t look at her when he’s talking. He wonders why she can’t just hang out once in awhile without saying much. Jane and Tarzan come from two totally different worlds.

The answer, as always, is compromise, that proverbial give and take. He needs to be more open and offer more person to person, face to face time. And she needs to realize that relation to him means chumming around, having a buddy. My wife asks me what we guys talk about when out on the golf course for four hours. I answer as honestly as I can; we talk about chip shots, the lay of the green and how many yards it is to the sand bunker on the right. That’s it. No one brings up Sally and Bob’s divorce. We don’t “share”, we shoot. It’s golf. But ladies detail the ins and outs of every situation until they have a complete grasp of it. She needs to know, so explain it, slowly, and don’t leave out any fine print. She feeds on intimacy, he is fueled by camaraderie. Both can be satisfied in marriage providing that each assumes the other spouse’s perspective.

The Apostle John spoke of seeing Gaius “face to face”. When they finally did get together both men likely sat down side to side like scooting up to the counter at a cafe. Out on a date that position doesn’t cut it. She wants to be close enough, eye to eye, where you can both sip straws from the same milkshake. Or else, instead of shoulder to shoulder, she wants to snuggle under his shoulder, like lovebirds in a pickup truck glued together under the rear window gun rack. That image always held a mystery to me, but then, I don’t know what it means to love somebody with a huntin’ dog. Simply said, men need to relax and give frontal attention once in awhile, well actually, frequently. And women need to pull up a mat on the fishing bank and just sit, not saying a word. Your just being there makes him feel empowered. No, I can’t explain that. It’s just so.